Contentment and other things
Hebrews 13:5 ...be content with what you have, for He has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Why is this one lesson that is so hard to learn? I have been wrestling with contentment these past few months. I want more, I want better, I want what I don't have. I want to be at a place in life that God doesn't have me. I want to not work weekends, and I want to complain about it when I do. The main area that this has been hitting home is with my job. I love my job, I love what I do. I don't love the hours that my specific position has me work, and I don't love being split between two positions, and the lack of consistency that gives me. I focus all the time on what I can't do when I am at work on a Saturday and Sunday evening. I rarely focus on what I do get to do. I have the opportunity to help kids at very difficult times in their lives. Moments when often their mommies aren't there to comfort, and they are sick, broken, and scared. I get to love kids who are in foster care, who don't know what love looks like. I get to help ease the hospital experience and hear kids say, "I want to come back here!", after getting stitches. I get to hear kids laugh in relief and cry in shock when their broken bone was set with very minimal pain. It's truly amazing what I get to do on Saturday and Sunday nights. I am ready to move on, I am ready to have a normal schedule and really pour myself into one area that I can own and become an expert in. But, this past year and some months of working in the Emergency Department have been good. I have learned a lot. And I am still learning a lot, and will continue until I finally do move on. I don't trust that God has all of this planned out for me, and at every bump and disappointment, I feel depressed and out of control. But isn't that the beauty of this life, and the beauty of belonging to Christ? I am out of control, all the time. Even when i think I have it all worked out, I don't. He does though, and He loves me, and He will never forsake me. He has promised me so much and He has never let me down. Why can't I learn this lesson and live like I truly believe it all the time?
On a completely other note. Earlier this month, Matt took me home to St. Louis for his best friend's wedding. We had a wonderful time and it was so fun to see where he grew up! It was also fun to meet all of his friends, and meet two more of his siblings. There are now only two left that I haven't met. It was a great time to relax and get away for a little while.
In two weeks I head down to Orlando for the annual Child Life Conference. I will be taking my certification exam, and attending the conference. Pray that I pass, one, and two, that I have a good time with my coworkers and begin to build stronger friendships with them.
The week after that, I head back down to Florida with Matt. We will be meeting my parents and my sister's family down in St. Augustine for a few days at the beach and to hang out with my cousins and Aunt and Uncle. It will be fun to show Matt this town that has meant so much to me over the years and truly is my home away from home (well, one of them anyway, Athens has worked it's way into that category as well!) But some of my favorite childhood memories took place in St. Augustine, and it will be fun to be back down there.
Oh, and how could I forget! My friend Liz is moving in with me this week!!! Yeah, no more living by myself!!!!
Why is this one lesson that is so hard to learn? I have been wrestling with contentment these past few months. I want more, I want better, I want what I don't have. I want to be at a place in life that God doesn't have me. I want to not work weekends, and I want to complain about it when I do. The main area that this has been hitting home is with my job. I love my job, I love what I do. I don't love the hours that my specific position has me work, and I don't love being split between two positions, and the lack of consistency that gives me. I focus all the time on what I can't do when I am at work on a Saturday and Sunday evening. I rarely focus on what I do get to do. I have the opportunity to help kids at very difficult times in their lives. Moments when often their mommies aren't there to comfort, and they are sick, broken, and scared. I get to love kids who are in foster care, who don't know what love looks like. I get to help ease the hospital experience and hear kids say, "I want to come back here!", after getting stitches. I get to hear kids laugh in relief and cry in shock when their broken bone was set with very minimal pain. It's truly amazing what I get to do on Saturday and Sunday nights. I am ready to move on, I am ready to have a normal schedule and really pour myself into one area that I can own and become an expert in. But, this past year and some months of working in the Emergency Department have been good. I have learned a lot. And I am still learning a lot, and will continue until I finally do move on. I don't trust that God has all of this planned out for me, and at every bump and disappointment, I feel depressed and out of control. But isn't that the beauty of this life, and the beauty of belonging to Christ? I am out of control, all the time. Even when i think I have it all worked out, I don't. He does though, and He loves me, and He will never forsake me. He has promised me so much and He has never let me down. Why can't I learn this lesson and live like I truly believe it all the time?
On a completely other note. Earlier this month, Matt took me home to St. Louis for his best friend's wedding. We had a wonderful time and it was so fun to see where he grew up! It was also fun to meet all of his friends, and meet two more of his siblings. There are now only two left that I haven't met. It was a great time to relax and get away for a little while.
In two weeks I head down to Orlando for the annual Child Life Conference. I will be taking my certification exam, and attending the conference. Pray that I pass, one, and two, that I have a good time with my coworkers and begin to build stronger friendships with them.
The week after that, I head back down to Florida with Matt. We will be meeting my parents and my sister's family down in St. Augustine for a few days at the beach and to hang out with my cousins and Aunt and Uncle. It will be fun to show Matt this town that has meant so much to me over the years and truly is my home away from home (well, one of them anyway, Athens has worked it's way into that category as well!) But some of my favorite childhood memories took place in St. Augustine, and it will be fun to be back down there.
Oh, and how could I forget! My friend Liz is moving in with me this week!!! Yeah, no more living by myself!!!!
posted by Courtney | 3:25 PM
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