I am NOT that Great

This is a short sentence that in the last 24 hours I have come to a realization that I need to wake up every morning saying it to myself. And then I probably need to repeat it every few minutes until I go to sleep again. You may be wondering where this is coming from, or if you know me, you may already know more about my sin than I do and are like, yes Courtney is finally realizing things! But, I think I am pretty darn good at everything. And I think I am pretty perfect. I have struggled with and continue to struggle with sin, and I know that, but somehow, for a majority of the day, I forget that and think that I am better than everyone around me. I think that it is my job to fix everything for everyone. It’s my job and my responsibility to always know the right answer, to know the right way of doing things, and to be what others need me to be. This causes me to over commit myself, which causes me to not do everything with a full heart. I love people and God has gifted me with that, but Satan and my sinful heart corrupts that gift daily. As a friend told me today of his own struggle, I want to be the hero. A few weeks ago, I was at Redeemer on Sunday morning. It was mission conference Sunday and Jean Lorroux was preaching, and he said something profound. We are Jesus’ charity cases, and we should be the charity cases of other Christians. ( That is not a direct quotation, but if someone has the direct quote I’d like it.) I don’t want to be a charity case, I don’t want to need anything and I especially don’t want to need other people. But I do, and reminding myself everyday that I am not that great will possibly help me remember my need. I need a savior, and I need Jesus Christ. I was telling another friend of the state of realizing my own "crappiness" that I was in today and he gave me something else to remind myself of everyday. He said, “Well, you can't be there [state of realizing my "crappiness"] too long because you are not condemned and Christ loves you and you are a favored daughter of the ruler of the universe. You shouldn't experience the "crappiness" without all the hope that goes with it, not hope in what *might* be, but hope in what *is*.” For some reason Christ loves me and has made me perfect in Him, and I praise and thank Him for that undeserved and completely unearned honor.

Frustration in the Blogging World

About an hour ago, I spent 15 to 20 minutes writing a post. As I went to publish it, there was an error. I was able to hit the back button and still see my post, and I every once in a while I would come back and try to publish it. Then one time, it hit that error page and wouldn't let me come back. So the post was lost, and it is very frustrating. I guess that's one thing about the blogging world that we all risk everytime we write a post. Maybe I'll get back to writing a shorter version of the post. (By the way, I also tried to Save as Draft and got the error message too).