From the Mind of Courtney

New Blog!

2008-10-27T08:49:00.001-05:00

To anyone that still reads this, I am starting a new blog! I can now be found at www.theseiters.blogspot.com

Come read about our adventures in Beantown!

The wedding is over and farewell to Branen

2008-07-16T10:22:00.006-05:00

I have been married now for 2.5 weeks and it has been a wonderful and surprisingly easy transition. I do not feel old enough or mature enough to be a wife, it almost feels as if I am just playing house. However, it has been fun. The wedding was perfect! I have since heard of a few glitches, disasters barely averted, and some slight dancefloor mishaps, but they all make great stories and I laugh at how it seems some people experienced an entirely different reception than I did! None of these things were a big deal, just a 5 year old boy heading towards the grooms' cake with a fork ready to dig in, and an accidental three stooges skit involving a woman slipping on the dancefloor, falling against a table, and three beers spilling on her head! Sometimes I wish I had seen some of this stuff!!! The few days prior to the wedding were absolutely wonderful (minus the occasional stress and last minute planning). Most of my bridesmaids were from out of town and it was a blast having them all together for the bachelorette party and the bridesmaids luncheon! I can't imagine a better group of girls to have as best friends and I cherish them all, and am sad to say that we may not ever all be in the same place at the same time. The ceremony was perfect, complete with laughter and a few tears. It was a joyous occasion, and I feel honored and humbled that so many people were there from all over the country and state to support Matt and I and witness our vows. We had a blast at the reception!!! I'm sure every bride and groom and say this, but it was honestly the most fun reception I have ever been to! People danced and danced and no one wanted the party to end! I had a chance to speak to almost everyone who was there, and only wish there had been more time for quality conversation. We left Sunday morning to head to Costa Rica for the honeymoon, and had an absolute blast! What a perfect way to start a marriage! In a foreign country, not a care in the world, and the opportunity to truly just enjoy eachother. We had lots of fun adventures too!! We went on a canopy zipline tour of the rainforest, a boat ride to Isla de Tortuga for snorkeling, a horseback ride 1.5 hours down the beach to a waterfall, a 2 hour hike through a nature reserve to a secluded beach where we got stung by jelly fish, and time just lounging at the beach or swimming in the tide pool. We saw monkeys, iguanas, crabs, and lizards, and they even have some funky species of the squirrel. It was bittersweet coming home, and felt strange that everyone who was at our wedding would be gone from Atlanta and back at their homes. We were excited to open presents and begin the real world though!

Now the craziness is all over and we are starting to settle in. I'm going to get my name changed tomorrow morning, and will officially no longer be a Branen. I will become a Seiter. It's strange and will definitely take some getting used to, but I'm excited to take my husband's name! My blogs may become sporadic and I might even change blog addresses to fit my new stage of life, but for anyone who still reads this, thanks for hanging with me!

The Wedding Season

2008-02-06T22:52:00.000-05:00

Back around New Years a dear friend of mine and I had to work through and resolve a small issue, and in the midst of it she said something along the lines of "I feel bad because this is your wedding season and everything is supposed to be perfect." I have been thinking about this from time to time, and throughout this period of engagement emotions have been running high. I'm happier than I have ever imagined being, but I have also cried more than I ever imagined I would. This isn't a bad thing, but it's new and something I have never experienced before. No one writes a handbook on planning a wedding and learning that you will have learn new and better ways to communicate with your mom, your fiance, his family, your family, and even the friends in your everyday life. It is a time of immense joy and anticipation, where stresses are real and relationships are still littered with sin. And eventhough I may be preparing to wear a white dress and be the "picture" that Christ makes in the Bible of the Church, I am not perfect. I do not always do or say the right thing at the right time. This is my "wedding season" and it is busy and wonderful and imperfect. Life around me hasn't stopped because my new life with Matt is about to begin. Relationships haven't become instantly flawless, however, God is good and everyday He brings me closer to Him and into a further understanding of my need of Him. He is the reason that planning a beautiful wedding is important, He will have the glory on the day I say "I do", and I think I need to keep that in perspective. Although on that day Matt and I will be the center of attention, I pray that Our Father in heaven is the center of our attention, and I pray that everyone present will see Him in us and the power He has in our lives.

An update

2007-12-01T11:25:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure who really reads this, but to those of you out there, I'm sorry it has been so long! I tend to blog while at work on a slow day, but work put up a new internet security system that blocks most websites that would be conducive to wasting time! So blogging at work has ceased, and it's just hard to find the time at home!

Life has been very busy since August and got even busier just over a month ago when Matt proposed!!! He proposed on October 19th while perched up in a Magnolia Tree! We are working on a webpage where the full story will be posted!!! We are getting married in June and I cannot wait to become Mrs. Seiter!! So now my life consists of planning a wedding, and it is very busy!!!
Tricia Wilson wanted me to post a picture of my ring, so here it is!!! It is beautiful and just what I wanted!!!!

My Summer.....

2007-08-13T14:31:00.000-05:00

is nearing an end. It's funny how even when you are in the working world, you desire to have a summer break, and you live as though you are on vacation everyday you aren't working. Atleast that is how it is for me. My summers in the "working world" are by far more exhausting than my summers were while I was in school. It's like I am so bummed to not have a real 2 month break, that I want to make the most of every spare moment I have. This lends me to late nights, weekend trips, little sleep, and still working 40 hours a week. Needless to say, I am tired, and it just doesn't seem like the busyness will ever end. Oh well, this is an update.

July 14th was one year ago to the date that I met Matt. It amazes me how well you can get to know someone in one year. The year has gone by so fast and has been wonderful, and at the same time, I feel like I have known him forever. It was fun to reach this milestone in our relationship!

On July 21st, I packed up my bags and headed to camp for a week! I volunteered at Camp Horizon for a week. This is a camp for children who have been abused or neglected. Most are in DFACS custody. I spent a week with a 10 year old girl. We rode bikes, horses, played tennis, swam, ran around, and did a variety of other things. This week at camp was extremely challenging, yet extremely rewarding. I grew and learned so much about myself. I learned that my temper is short and that I am not near as patient as I often boast to be (or as others tell me I am). I learned that loving does not mean being loved in return. I learned how to laugh at myself, and that I care too much about the opinion of a 10 year old. I saw and felt first hand a small fraction of what Christ feels everytime I disobey him, reject his love, push him away, and look to other things and other people for joy and comfort. At the end of the week, I did not leave feeling that the pain was worth it, or that in the end I won over the love of this little girl. But looking back over it and thinking about the week. I know without a doubt that that little girl knows I love her and accept her. She knows that no matter how many times she pushed me away or upset me or even made me cry, that I was and am still interested in her life. And I think maybe I was there to show her that, and to pray that God used me to show her His love eventhough I couldn't boldly declare it. And that I was also there to learn about me, and to learn about my relationship with Christ. I hope to continue my involvement with Camp Horizon as I am able, and I hope I see my little 10 year old again.

I have been up to Asheville to see my sister, they have been down here as well. I have been to the lake, and to Nashville, and to Athens. And I am so excited to not go anywhere this weekend. To finally have a weekend to rest.

And on another note, I started two weeks ago today in the NICU!!!! It has been slow start but I am seeing things begin to come together, and it is great to be working during the week and not on weekends!!!

Here are some pictures from St. Augustine

2007-06-24T15:42:00.000-05:00

This one is Matt and his shark. It looks like a baby Hammerhead, but really it's full grown. I am not sure what it's actual name is but the locals call it a Dog Fish. I just wikipedia (ed) dog fish and it says that this is common name for several species of small sharks. He had really nasty teeth and was NOT happy about being caught, we let him go, and Matt even was able to keep his bait!

These next two pictures are my adorable nieces on the beach. They loved the sand and water so much!!!! It was a blast watching them learn and explore their new environment! In the top picture, Caroline is laughing in the background, Abby is in the front. I can't really tell on the bottom picture, but I think Caroline is on the left and Abby is on the right.

This is Matt and I on the beautiful St. Augustine beach. You can see the white beaches and the Atlantic Ocean in the back.

This is a picture I took from the top of the lighthouse. It over looks a peninsula and part of the bay. Just over the peninsula you can see the ocean.

Update and New Job

2007-06-23T16:46:00.000-05:00

Yes, you all read correctly, after months and months of waiting and let downs, I finally have a new position at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta! On July 30, I will begin at the very first Child Life Specialist for the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). I got the news while i was at the beach and all was made official this week with sending in my resignation from the Emergency Dept. Because of already approved travel, my last weekend day working will be July 8th!!! WOOOHOOO!!! Finally I will have my weekend nights free. There may be an occasional Saturday that I come in to work with siblings, but this will not be on a regular basis and will only be for an hour or two. I am very excited about this job, apprehensive about the challenges it will bring, but I honestly can't wait to begin this next step in my career!

Now for the life update. All of my trips were great, and the highlight of this past month was visiting family in St. Augustine. Matt and I had a great time, and it was so good to have him meet my extended family and for him to see a city that is dearer to my heart than even Athens. We hung out on the beach with my nieces, went to my favorite seafood restaurant, cooked out at my Uncle's house, walked through Castillo de San Marco (a.k.a. "the fort"), climbed the 219 steps to the lighthouse, and even did a little fishing with my cousin where Matt caught a little shark that resembles a hammerhead! If I remember, I'll post pictures tomorrow.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how small I think God is, and how big I think others are. I care more about the approval of others than I do about who I am in Jesus. I get my feelings hurt unnecessarily, and become self conscious when I am not doing what the "crowd" is doing. I strive off of others compliments, and my mood will completely change when I hear about how great someone thinks I am.....yet when I am reminded of the Truth of the Gospel and WHO I am called to be and WHO loved me enough to die and face separation from His Father, it doesn't even phase me one bit. I need to be reminded everyday that my hope and my worth has NOTHING to do with what others think of me, and everything to do with what He has done for me and what I cannot do for myself.

On yet another note, I visited Camp Westminster last night for the Friday night bonfire. It was so good to be out there and see the kids and hear their simple, yet profound words about the Gospel. It was great to see the next generation of counselors, kids that I had as campers, out there as counselors loving on kids as I did so many years ago. It made me miss it though. It made me wish that I hadn't grown up so fast. I wish I could still be out there, that I could still be part of the day to day ministry of those 122 acres in the middle of Conyers, GA.

Contentment and other things

2007-05-26T15:25:00.000-05:00

Hebrews 13:5 ...be content with what you have, for He has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Why is this one lesson that is so hard to learn? I have been wrestling with contentment these past few months. I want more, I want better, I want what I don't have. I want to be at a place in life that God doesn't have me. I want to not work weekends, and I want to complain about it when I do. The main area that this has been hitting home is with my job. I love my job, I love what I do. I don't love the hours that my specific position has me work, and I don't love being split between two positions, and the lack of consistency that gives me. I focus all the time on what I can't do when I am at work on a Saturday and Sunday evening. I rarely focus on what I do get to do. I have the opportunity to help kids at very difficult times in their lives. Moments when often their mommies aren't there to comfort, and they are sick, broken, and scared. I get to love kids who are in foster care, who don't know what love looks like. I get to help ease the hospital experience and hear kids say, "I want to come back here!", after getting stitches. I get to hear kids laugh in relief and cry in shock when their broken bone was set with very minimal pain. It's truly amazing what I get to do on Saturday and Sunday nights. I am ready to move on, I am ready to have a normal schedule and really pour myself into one area that I can own and become an expert in. But, this past year and some months of working in the Emergency Department have been good. I have learned a lot. And I am still learning a lot, and will continue until I finally do move on. I don't trust that God has all of this planned out for me, and at every bump and disappointment, I feel depressed and out of control. But isn't that the beauty of this life, and the beauty of belonging to Christ? I am out of control, all the time. Even when i think I have it all worked out, I don't. He does though, and He loves me, and He will never forsake me. He has promised me so much and He has never let me down. Why can't I learn this lesson and live like I truly believe it all the time?

On a completely other note. Earlier this month, Matt took me home to St. Louis for his best friend's wedding. We had a wonderful time and it was so fun to see where he grew up! It was also fun to meet all of his friends, and meet two more of his siblings. There are now only two left that I haven't met. It was a great time to relax and get away for a little while.

In two weeks I head down to Orlando for the annual Child Life Conference. I will be taking my certification exam, and attending the conference. Pray that I pass, one, and two, that I have a good time with my coworkers and begin to build stronger friendships with them.

The week after that, I head back down to Florida with Matt. We will be meeting my parents and my sister's family down in St. Augustine for a few days at the beach and to hang out with my cousins and Aunt and Uncle. It will be fun to show Matt this town that has meant so much to me over the years and truly is my home away from home (well, one of them anyway, Athens has worked it's way into that category as well!) But some of my favorite childhood memories took place in St. Augustine, and it will be fun to be back down there.

Oh, and how could I forget! My friend Liz is moving in with me this week!!! Yeah, no more living by myself!!!!

On a happier note

2007-03-23T21:34:00.000-05:00

My sister suggested that after such a sad blog, I needed to write a happy one. And although I don't have anything particularly exciting to update the world on, I thought I would list some things that I am thankful for (always good to remember to be thankful, I so often forget). So, here goes: seeing my sweet nieces Abby and Caroline tomorrow, having a weekend weather in the upper 80s and warm, having a sweet baby fall asleep in my arms at work, a boyfriend that didn't watch all the basketball games last night so he could spend time with me before going out of town, a fun new haircut, awesome middle school and high school girls in youth group, a view from my apt overlooking the pool, wearing shorts and flip flops, catching up with dear friends, driving with the windows open and the radio turned up, Jesus' redeeming love, and those are the main things I can think of right now. I hope you all have a great day!!!

WARNING this one might be sad

2007-03-19T10:28:00.000-05:00

Hello anyone who still reads this. I am sorry that I haven't updated in a long time. I have had a lot going on in my life and in my heart these last couple of months. But I am not going to use this entry to update you all on my life since January. I wanted to share about something in the last week that has been particularly on my heart. Last week, I hit the emotional reality that my job is sad. I have dealt with sad things at my job before last week, but last week was different. On Wednesday I was with two parents during the last 30 minutes of their child's life. They helped me make footprints and through tears as the mom left the room, she told me thank you and that those footprints would be treasured forever. Wow. I had tears in my eyes and just cannot even imagine the pain and hurt that those parents are experiencing. I have been praying for them everyday. Then on Thursday, I had to tell 3 children that their baby sister was going to die, that she was sick and her body was just too tired to get better. This family has 6 girls ranging from 10 to the one year old patient. After this hard conversation, I got to take all 5 girls back to their sister's room. I had the opportunity to facilitate one last memory with their sister, and it was good. We made footprints and each of the older girls got to make 2 sets and the mom made some too. Even the little 3 year old helped. How amazing to witness 5 children gather around their sister and show real emotions and real love and be so excited about getting to make these footprints and cherish them forever. It was sad, it was hard, but it was a good day. I don't know how I am supposed to react in those situations. I don't know if I am supposed to be happy that somehow God has seen it fit to use me to help children grieve and help make their last interaction with their sister a happy one, or if I am supposed to crawl into a hole and just be sad. I left with a heavy heart that day, wondering if there was more I could have done, wondering how people are supposed to move on after loss, and wondering what I would feel the next time I walked by that room and she wasn't in there. I don't think I would trade my job for anything at this point in my life (one day motherhood will definitely be a reason to give it up!!). I just struggle with how to react, I wonder if it's okay that these families see my tears because it is impossible for me to hold them back. I get scared that this will become commonplace and that I will no longer react with sadness. I pray that the reality of these situations always hits me, and that I always see the need to pray without ceasing for these families. That is one thing that I try to do everyday when I leave the hospital, pray. I am not as good at it as I should be, but my goal is always to pray for every single patient and family I come into contact and to praise God for the stories with "happy endings". It is a constant struggle for me to know how to balance these emotions that I feel at work. Sometimes I am tempted to just turn them off and go about my day as normal when I get home, but I don't know if that's healthy. Other times there is just no way that I can do that, these kids and these families affect me. They are a part of my life, and I am thankful that I have people in my life that are willing to let me be sad if I need to be, and are willing to listen and to dry my tears as I figure out how to balance it all.

I am sorry for the sad post, if you have read this far, please don't let it make you sad, but let it resonate in you to pray for the two families that I mentioned above.

Resolution or Healthy Life?

2007-01-26T16:51:00.000-05:00

Exercise. Why does it seem that this is so hard for everyone? Or atleast why is it so hard for me? I love to play, I love to be active, yet day in and day out, my "exercise" consists of walking to the car, or walking through a grocery store, or just doing nothing at all. I share an office at work with the Diabetes educators, who are all dietitians. Today I was looking through a book they had on the health information at fast food places. Did you know there are 810 calories in a Roast beef and swiss Market Fresh sandwich from Arbys? This is more than any single item at Wendy's or Chick-fil-a. So if you think you are being healtheir by going marketfresh, you aren't. I just don't understand why our world has become so fast paced and so heavily influenced by instant gratification. I don't understand why when I get up in the morning, I am not motivated to get outside, or why after a day of being cooped up in a hospital, I am not more excited about walking around and getting fresh air. I know one reason is because I hate to do things alone, and if I veg in front of the TV, I don't have to think about being alone, or if I sit on the computer and write emails, atleast I am attempting to maintain relationships. I really really really want to learn to be disciplined and self motivated to be active. To get outside on a regular basis and just do whatever, a walk, a bike ride, a hike, a game of frisbee. I don't want to do this because of some new year's resolution to lose weight, or lower my dress size, but I want to do it because if my life is too busy now, it's only going to get busier. I want to do this to be healthy, to have more energy, and to build a pattern and routine so in 10-20 years I am still able to do the things I love. I think that sometimes my excuse is that I can still do everything I love. On a whim I can go climb stone mountain, or water ski, or go on a 10 mile bike ride, or even play a game of ultimate. I am not saying that these things don't wear me out, but the fact that I CAN do them makes me happy. I don't enjoy it, but I am physically able to run a mile, but one day without activity becoming a part of my regular life, I won't be able to do these things. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make this part of my routine, I would love to hear them. I don't think gym membership is an option for me right now, cause I know that's an obvious answer.

A New Year

2007-01-13T11:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I know that everyone writes these start of the new year blogs, but I have been horrible at updating, so I thought this gave me an excuse. One thing I have been thinking a lot about is how much has changed in a year, and how much some things haven't changed. I was at a wedding last weekend down in Macon, GA for a good from college. There were many people at the wedding who, upon seeing them, I realized how much I still miss them. I miss Athens, and I miss my life there. I miss the people I spent time with regularly, and seeing even just a few of them made me realize yet again, how much I miss all of them. Matt went to the wedding, and it is so fun to introduce him to people that I love. It so fun to see my "now world" connect with my "then world", but at the same time it continues to pain me that the two worlds aren't one all the time. It is hard to move on, and even a year and a half after graduation, it is still just as hard. But I love that I have friendships with people who live all over the country, I love that I have people who have meant so much to me that I wish I was around them all the time. There are so many blessings, one of those being that after a year and a half, these friendships are still real and still building me up eventhough these people aren't a part of my everyday life.

My job is going well. I am really enjoying my time in the ICU and really feel that I am getting some very valuable experience there. I am nervous though that some of the real trying "emotional aspects" of this position are just about to set in, we'll see how I handle it. The emergency department is also going well. Many people ask me if I will want to just stay in the ICU and become the full time person there, and at this point in time I just don't have an answer. I think I am going to revisit that question and reconsider that option in mid-February.

I just started things back up with the youth group, and it looks like starting in February I will be heading up the girls discipleship group. I am so excited to spend time with these girls, learn from them, and build a stronger relationship with them. I just pray that the Lord gives me wisdom in what to teach and the words to say, and that He blesses the time I have with these girls.

Tomorrow, Matt and I are going up to visit my sister, brother-in-law, and my precious nieces in Asheville, NC. I am so excited to see my little Abby and Caroline!!!! Matt has never seen Asheville, so he is excited to see a new town and to be in the mountains! Please pray that I have a good time with my family because I miss them so much!!! Also, later this month, I am going to Missouri to visit my friends Brian and Gail, also pray that that is good time with old friends and just a refreshing vacation for me!

A swanky new pad and a more upbeat me!

2006-12-16T21:59:00.000-05:00

Swanky. A new word in my vocabulary that my new roommate Julie uses to describe anything that's really nice. She's a funny girl! So I moved into my new apartment yesterday, and I love it!!! Hardwood floors, tile, new appliances, a garden tub, a view of the pool, a walk in closet, a separate dining room, and just an overall cool feel make the apartment so great! I am no where near completely settled, there are many boxes to unload and things to find a place for, but it already feels like home. My friend Jason and my dad graciously helped me move all of my stuff from my parent's house to my apartment. I appreciate them and their hardwork so much!! Matt (the amazing boyfriend in the prior blog) helped me unpack a lot of stuff last night, and he brought me beautiful flowers as a "housewarming" gift. My first meal was Papa Johns pizza while sitting on the floor at the coffee table! And of course the delivery of my brand new washer and dryer had to get messed up and I won't get that until Monday, but all in all yesterday was a good day! Julie will move in sometime in the next week or so.

My job. It seems as if this area of my life is constantly changing. Most of my friends have a hard time keeping up with what I am doing, when I am working, and what my hours are. Don't feel bad, I have a hard time keeping up with it as well! About a month ago, the Child Life Specialist in the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) resigned from her position. After much thought and conversations with my boss, I decided not to interview for that position. It would be full-time, however, it is a VERY stressful floor and you experience/deal with a lot of death, and I just wasn't sure if I was ready for that on a full-time basis. BUT, my boss and I talked and decided that I would cover for basic child life needs in the PICU 3 days a week until someone new is hired. I am VERY excited about this opportunity. It will give me valuable experience not only in inpatient child life, but in learning how to deal with the harder, more emotional aspects of the job. It will also give me an opportunity to work with the other Child Life Specialists more and hopefully begin to build relationships with them. SO, this means that I will be working in the PICU on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 9:30 am til 6 pm and then I will be doing my "normal" job in the emergency department on Friday and Saturday from 3:30 pm until Midnight. So, this means that I will be working 40 hours a week, atleast for a little while, and i will have much more experience to draw from on future interviews when another position opens up. Yeah!

I am excited about Christmas and celebrating the birth of Jesus! I can't wait to see my nieces playing with their presents, and am so thankful that they are happy and healthy one year olds!!!

Too much to write about

2006-11-17T15:42:00.000-05:00

I feel like a lot has happened since I last posted, but I don't know how to talk about all of it. I guess these past three weeks have been times of high emotion for Courtney. Sadness, frustration, disappointment, and happiness are just a few of what I have been experiencing. I have been trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me right now. And why He is allowing me to be an emotional basketcase at the moment. Some areas of my life are wonderful. I have an amazing boyfriend who cares about me and honestly is just the best thing that has happened to me since moving back to Atlanta. I just signed a lease for a very fun apartment with a very fun roommate, and I am thrilled to live on my own and settle in somewhere!!! But, I am still working part-time, with horrible weekend hours. I did not get the job that I felt was a great fit for me that I had been wanting for over a month. The most recent, most definitive interview went well, they thought I was "delightful", but they want someone with more experience. I am trying to get more experience, but until someone hires me full-time, there is nothing more I can do. It's a very frustrated position to feel like you are always having to proove yourself. I just want to work the hours that normal people work, and have weekends off like everyone else. Is that too much to ask? But alas, I must be thankful because I am in the field of work that I have been pursuing since I was 16 years old, and I will eventually be in the perfect area, working the perfect hours, I must be patient and it's so hard! I get tired of being patient, and I get tired of trusting His timing. The job isn't the only reason I have experienced the more negative emotions, but it is the main source of frustration and discontent in my life. Pray that I will see the positive more, pray that I will be diligent doing the work that God has called me to do, and pray that I will learn and be open to what God is trying to teach me, that I will moldable to His will.

His Timing is Better

2006-10-11T09:59:00.000-05:00

Wanted to update everyone regarding my last post. The interview went great!!! Seriously it did. I was calm and collected and had an answer for every question just lurking in my brain. My boss (who was one of the 3 people interviewing me) gave me great feedback on the interview. However, the new job isn't going to happen as soon as we all hoped. I am confident that it will happen in the next few months, but it won't be by the end of this month like I had hoped and had been planning. Several unexpected things have happened and there are some kinks that need to be worked out before moving forward with things. I am trusting that His timing is better than mine, and that He has a reason for me to work more nights and weekends, although I am not very happy about it. So now is the time for me to wait and be patient and trust! Please pray for me to that end, and please pray that kinks would be worked out sooner rather than later!!!!

A New Job?

2006-10-04T23:14:00.000-05:00

So I have interview technically today, at 3:00 pm. It is at the same hospital for the same title, just in a new area and normal 8-5 monday through friday hours. If you read this before 3 pm on Thursday please please please pray for me. I am very nervous and haven't wanted something so bad in a long time!!! Pray that I will be calm, pray that God will give me the words to say, and pray that He will give me peace and help me to trust Him in this!!! Thanks so much!!! I'll give more details at a later date!! Oh, and if you read this after 3pm, you can still pray for peace, trust, calm, and all that jazz!!! And just so all know, this is the first of possibly several interviews, so I won't have a clear idea about the job for a couple weeks. But I will update! Thanks again!

Romans 8:28

2006-09-15T13:55:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the course life takes us on. I think of how unexpected things happened, how plans change, and mostly how looking back every year it is a mystery how I got where I am today. Within a year’s time I went from being dead set on attending Clemson University, to making the decision to go to the University of Georgia, where I came to a truer and richer understanding of the Gospel. Just over a year ago, I was one phone call away from accepting an internship in Savannah, GA. Literally minutes before I made that call, Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta called, and I ended up staying in Atlanta. I look at my life, who I have met, who I have become great friends with, where I have been, what I have been involved in, and often poor decisions I have made. When I look at all of these things, I am utterly amazed at God’s Goodness!!! I am amazed that He cares for me. It blows me away that He has His hand on my life and that His plans always seem to work out. As I get older, and as more and more of “my plans” fail, I realize more and more the truth of Romans 8:28, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” It’s a verse that most of us memorized when we were young, and it’s one that I always applied to “difficult” situations in the lives of others. But, it is becoming more real to me as I see the truth of His promises in my everyday life.

9 Months Old!!!

2006-09-07T23:12:00.000-05:00

Caroline is on the top and Abby is on the bottom. I haven't posted about my beautiful nieces in awhile, so I thought I would tonight. On the 6th, they turned 9 months old!!! It's crazy to think that just 9 months ago, they were struggling to survive and now they are happy, playful little girls!!! As most of you know, they were born 2.5 months prematurely. The doctors usually say that premature babies will be "caught up" developmentally sometime in the first 18 months. And usually it's expected well after a year. On their 9 month day, they went to see an occupational therapist who evaluated them and declared that developmentally they were in fact 9 month olds!!!! What a blessing!!! God has been so faithful and so good to our family. The twins have definately brought me closer with my sister and brother-in-law, and although babies have a way of doing that when their birth is "normal", I think their dramatic entrance into the world has played a huge part in that! I am so much more thankful for every day, and I have such a bigger understanding of His mightly power! To see these two girls at a little more than 2.5 lbs fighting to live, and actually beat all of the odds against them in every possible way, is more awe inspiring than anything I think I have experienced thus far in my life. The only reason that I can look at these girls and hold them, and throw them up in the air to make them laugh is by the grace and goodness of God.

Now I may be biased, but I do believe they are the cutest babies I have ever seen!!!

Patients in the ER

2006-08-13T21:42:00.000-05:00

So, it's been awhile since I posted anything good, and for that I am sorry. And this probably isn't going to be a great blog because I am feeling slightly under the weather. But, I had some thoughts at work the other night that I thought would share.

I work in the Emergency Dept. The past two nights that I have worked, have just been really boring. There haven't been a lack of patients really, just a lack of patients appropriate for my services. We get a lot of young infants, and a lot of older teenagers, and a lot of kids coming in for a "bug bite". You think I am kidding about the bug bite, but I am not. I did have a few cases of kids getting stitches or having their broken arms set back into place, and those are always fun. But once I was finished with those kids, there was little else to do. So, this got me thinking. Is it wrong to wish that more kids came in with gaping lacerations and arm deformity? Is it wrong to wish that more traumas came in? Hmmmmmm, I just don't know. I find myself wishing all of those things on "slower" evenings, but then I feel bad cause basically I am wishing for someone's child to get hurt. So I am glad when it's slow because then I don't see sad or grotesque things, but it makes for a SLOW 10 hours!!!

That's all for now, hopefully I'll feel witty or deep sometime soon.

Google is wonderful

2006-07-31T17:02:00.000-05:00

This is Emiliano Zapata. Apparently a big figure in the Mexican 1910 Revolution. Who knew?

Who is Emiliano Zapata?

2006-07-28T11:25:00.000-05:00

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
- Emiliano Zapata

I woke up this morning, and got on my computer, and this quote was staring me in the face. On my home page, I have a quote of the day, usually the likes of Ralph Waldo Emerson, or Michelangelo, or some such person that I do recognize. But today it's Mr. Zapata. Watch me be the stupid only person in the world who does not know who he is. Please enlighten me if you do.

This quote struck me in a couple of different ways. One, it reminded me of how I try so hard to live on my feet, to do it on my own, but somehow I always end up on my knees. And it hurts when I fall to my knees!! I think this quote is very backwards. I wish I had the humility to live life on my knees. I would rather die on my knees praising Jesus, than live trying to do everything on my own and even succeeding in earthly standards. This quote also struck me because I assume that Emiliano is an older person, possibly no longer living this life that he lived on his feet. And it just reminded me of what the world tells us Christians. And that the struggle to live in humility and resist prideful gain isn't new. It was obviously around when he made this quote. And it was obviously around in the Bible. Sometimes I think that life's struggles, or my struggles, are central and new and unique to me and my place in time. I am so wrong. It's an age old human tendency to desire independence, to be able to walk and stand with no help from others. We should pray to learn dependence on Christ, and learn what it looks like to live life on our knees.

Return from Chicago

2006-07-26T20:23:00.000-05:00

Again, many of you that read this got this in an email. Just thought I would post in case I didn't email it to you!

Dear Friends and Family,
I have returned from Chicago, and wanted to update you all on the trip and how the prayers you prayed were answered! We'll start at 2 am on Sunday morning, it's our first night there, I am laying there on my airbed in an unairconditioned house in the middle of a Chicago heat wave. It was hot!!!! And, I was awake because there was a party going on across the street, and I heard several sirens even!!! Welcome to Southside Chicago, and welcome to the ghetto!!! They weren't kidding when they told us we would experience life in the ghetto!!! Luckily the other nights were not as hot, and NOT as noisy! I share this first experience with you all, to let you know that I was challenged. I was uncomfortable. The Lord knew just what I needed to teach me patient, flexibility, and adaptability. Probably the three greatest lessons i learned this trip. Also sharing this story to tell you that not once did ANYONE on the trip complain. I was with high school girls and no one complained, and I was amazed at their ability to be patient, flexible, and just have unbelievable attitudes!! They challenged me because I knew what was in my heart.
On Sunday, we worshipped at two churches. One was a large church in the neighborhood called Lawndale, and the service was complete with a choir who swayed, clapped, and sang all at the same time!! It was so neat to be a part of this community for a Sunday morning. They shared prayer requests, announced "anniversaries" of being off of drugs and out of the streets, and shared their personal joys and triumphs. I was moved. The second service was at City Church. They are in partnership with Sunshine Gospel Ministries, this service was much smaller, but there was a similar amount of energy and excitement to be praising Our Lord!!! The gospel was also brought in a very clear, and true way. He was truly glorified and is certainly ALIVE in these two churches. After church, we met up with a team of 6 from Michigan who would be living with us and working with us for the week. We could not have asked for a better group or better fellowship with fellow believers!
We had Bible studies everyday, some were in the morning and some at night, and most were led by different people either staff from Sunshine or from City Church. We watched clips from the movie "God Bless the Child" throughout the week, which showed the story of a poor woman and her child, and how they went downhill and became homeless. It was eye opening to the deeper issues of homelessness and how it can even happen when someone has a true willingness and drive to work and get back on her feet. We also watched the movie Hoop Dreams which is a documentary about two inner city kids with dreams to make it to the NBA. It was actually out in theatres in the early 90s. It showed real people and the real struggles that kids have who grew up in housing projects like the infamous Cabrini Greene neighborhood of Chicago. It also showed the pressures that kids have on them to succeed and make it out of the lifestyle. These were both very powerful movies, and it was really neat to watch the kids think through these issues. We also looked at the Bible and studied different aspects of being poor. There was a lot of discussion and it was really encouraging to hear what the youth had to say, and to see them working through all of their preconceived notions, as I was working through mine as well!! More than any other missions trip I have taken, this trip has got me thinking and processing so much that I can't possible relay everything through this email or even at this point in the thinking process!!!
We did a few different work projects. One day was spent cleaning up the inside and the outside of the house where we were staying. I had the fun job of painting the curb outside yellow! The funniest part of this was that the paint was really really old and was basically water at the top and a thick gooey mess at the bottom, tons of shaking didn't even mix it!! So because we didn't have a paint stirrer, I had to stick my whole arm into the can and mix the paint like that, it took forever and was VERY messy, but the end result was beautiful! Except hours later we returned to the house and saw that someone had hit the curb and there was now a nice tire treadmark on my newly painted yellow! I guess you can't take too much pride in painting a road! Another day we moved wood from the street up to the second floor of the old warehouse that Sunshine Ministries is renovating. The best part of that work project is that it was pouring down rain and parts of the building have no roof!!! We were all very wet, but we had a great time! The other work project that we did was help organize things at a local inner city elementary school. The principal is a christian and is very greatful for any help offered or provided! He bought us Subway, and hung out and talked and worked with us! He was a very neat man, who had "made it out of the ghetto" and became the principal of this school. Before he came three years ago, about 10 percent of the 600 students were reading at grade level, and now about 60 percent of them are! He is an amazing man!
Among the rest of the weeks events were, singing Pharoah Pharoah with 100 VBS kids (and watching them dance better than I can!), touring a homeless shelter (met a man named Eric, who has been in the shelter for 4 months and enrolled in their year long Bible Study program), touring a neighborhood called Lawndale and seeing one man's vision of providing healthcare, fellowship, housing, a family restaurant, and opportunities for the poor and afflicted thriving and growing. We also watched a youth league basketball game and went swimming in Lake Michigan! On our "day off" we went to Navy Pier, where six of us rented a six person bike/car with pedals and rode on bike trials along Lake Michigan. We received countless laughs, smiles, and pointing fingers!! We also walked downtown and ate amazing Chicago style pizza, and a few us went up to the 96th floor of the John Hancock building! We ended the night with some fire works!
I'll leave you with my highlight of the trip. The place we were staying had a fenced in yard with a basketball court, playground, and tire swing. On two days, we opened up the gates and the neighborhood kids came in to play. These kids were so fun to watch and hang out with. They played, they took pictures with our cameras, and they listened to one of our youth bring them the Gospel. It was a neat time of fellowshipping with the little children. Usually I am in the mix of everything, especially when kids are involved, but I stepped back this trip, and just watched. I watched kids that I have been loving on since they were 8 years old, love on kids who are now 8 years old. It was neat to watch the cycle, and see them truly enjoy these children.

You prayed for. . . and how they were answered in red

*Wisdom and stamina for the 4 adults on the trip. On this trip, we
are servants, chaperones, Spiritual leaders, students of the Gospel,
workers, cooks, and probably a multitude of other things. Pray that
we are able to do all of our jobs well. -- Yes, this was accomplished, although at times, the youth taught me more than I feel I taught them!

*That the team meshes well and works hard, and that we are able to get
a lot of work done. -- Couldn't have asked for a better group, no complaining, and all worked hard!

*Open hearts for the students and the adults on this trip as we learn
and are challenged. -- Again, I think the students blew me away in this area. We all learned and were challenged, and I hope that our hearts were opened and that God continues to use what we learned to shape us and mold us into His image.

*Safety as we drive from Atlanta to Chicago and back to Atlanta.
Also, for safety while in Chicago doing the various work projects and
driving around the city. -- Minus a stolen spare tire, absolutely no safety issues or even close calls!!! Thank you for praying!!

*That relationships among team members will strengthen, that we will
all get along, and that we have plenty of opportunities to laugh and
enjoy each other. --YES!!! I feel so much closer to all that went on the trip, and we bonded with a group of 6 from Michigan as well. And there was lots of laughter, don't think I have laughed that much in a long time!!!

*For the people of Chicago, that they will be receptive to us and to
the Gospel, and that the Lord will use us to impact their lives. -- I pray that this was so.

*Logistics – that everything about the trip will go smoothly and that
the team is flexible to possible scheduling changes --There were LOTS of schedule changes and times where we needed to be flexible, adaptable and teachable. This was the theme of our week and the team amazed me at their ability to roll with the changes!

*Reliance on Christ! We are going on this trip to work harder than
most of us have ever worked, and to show love to people that most of
us have never been challenged to love. These are things that we are
incapable of doing without Christ, so pray that He enables us to do
this and that the people of Chicago don't see how great Westminster
PCA is, but that they see how great Jesus Christ is. -- I know I had to rely on Christ, and His love. Thank you for praying this and I know He was the reason we were able to do all that did.

*Most importantly pray that God will receive the glory!!! Pray that
we will be honoring to God in all that we do and will remember at
every point of the trip why we are there and who we are ultimately
serving! -- I sure hope this was answered!!!

Thank you so much for praying for me on this trip!

Courtney Branen

Upcoming Trip to Chicago

2006-07-09T13:46:00.000-05:00

I emailed this out yesterday, but figured there were people who read my blog that I don't have email addresses for. So, all that have already read this, ignore. The rest of you, please join me in prayer!

"Among the destitute, I observed faith to believe God for their daily bread – faith like I had never had to exercise. Among those who had only enough food to last them a day, I saw a willingness to share with those who had even less. I had come to bring the light of the Gospel into the darkness of the ghetto only to find that the greater darkness was not in the ghetto but within me. A penetrating light exposed in me an anemic faith supported by ample physical securities, a self-centeredness neatly camouflaged behind a sacrificial servant image, a spiritual pride wrapped in graciousness. The kingdom had found me!" –Bob Lupton's article "Thy Kingdom Come"

Dear Friends and Family,

This quote is from a business man, who left his comfortable life to live among the poor and bring the Gospel to the poor. What he found was drastically different than what he expected to find, and he was changed and humbled. I, along with 5 high school students and 3 other adults from Westminster Presbyterian Church, am about to embark on a similar journey. Our team of nine is leaving for one week to serve the people of Chicago. We will be working with a ministry called the Sunshine Gospel Ministries ( http://www.sunshinegospel.org). Every morning will consist of an intensive 2 hour Bible Study led by the staff of Sunshine Gospel Ministries. During this time we will be looking deeply into the Bible, and learning what God has to say about the poor, how we should relate to the needy, and what a Christian's role in urban ministry should be. Most of us have never experienced urban ministry in this intensity, and I hope that we all are challenged to think about these issues and dig deeper into the Word. In the afternoons, we will be doing work projects. Our work projects could include demolition, painting, yard work, cleaning, or anything else that needs to be done. In the evenings, we will be plugged into local ministries. This as well, could include many different things like soup kitchens, homeless shelters, Salvation Army, VBS, or summer tutoring programs.

I am not asking for financial support on this trip, but I am asking for prayer. We will be leaving in about week on July 14th and returning on July 22nd. I am excited about this trip! I am excited about the opportunity to serve in my own country, and excited to learn about ministry to the poor in a very Gospel centered way. My hope for this trip is that every member of the team will be able to personally relate to Bob Lupton's experience, and that we will be humbled, broken and utterly amazed at what the Lord shows us about His Kingdom through the people in the south side of inner city Chicago. We each come into this trip with preconceived notions about the poor, about race, and about how great we are as Christians and human beings, and I pray that all of these notions will be broken down and torn apart as we see and learn the Truth. Please pray with me to this end, and pray that both the people we serve and each member of our team will leave the trip changed.

Additional Prayer Requests

*Wisdom and stamina for the 4 adults on the trip. On this trip, we are servants, chaperones, Spiritual leaders, students of the Gospel, workers, cooks, and probably a multitude of other things. Pray that we are able to do all of our jobs well.

*That the team meshes well and works hard, and that we are able to get a lot of work done.

*Open hearts for the students and the adults on this trip as we learn and are challenged.

*Safety as we drive from Atlanta to Chicago and back to Atlanta. Also, for safety while in Chicago doing the various work projects and driving around the city.

*That relationships among team members will strengthen, that we will all get along, and that we have plenty of opportunities to laugh and enjoy each other.

*For the people of Chicago, that they will be receptive to us and to the Gospel, and that the Lord will use us to impact their lives.

*Logistics – that everything about the trip will go smoothly and that the team is flexible to possible scheduling changes

*Reliance on Christ! We are going on this trip to work harder than most of us have ever worked, and to show love to people that most of us have never been challenged to love. These are things that we are incapable of doing without Christ, so pray that He enables us to do this and that the people of Chicago don't see how great Westminster PCA is, but that they see how great Jesus Christ is.

*Most importantly pray that God will receive the glory!!! Pray that we will be honoring to God in all that we do and will remember atevery point of the trip why we are there and who we are ultimately serving!

A Leap of Faith

2006-06-21T18:12:00.000-05:00

A while ago, I wrote about the possibility of moving into a house of girls that I didn't know very well in the middle of Decatur. Well as negotiations and prayers were being said about this situation, the girl who was moving out, has decided that she would like to keep her room for the 3 months she is away and return to it in October. So, then I was offered to sublease said room. After toiling over this decision for about a month (literally), I finally reached one. I weighed the positives and negatives. Most of the negatives revolved around money, but my mom graciously lifted that burden off of me telling me that I have plenty of time to be a responsible adult and I might as well move out for a few months and meet people. Wow, what an incredible mom I have! So, I have decided to do it. I will be moving to downtown Decatur (my ideal place at the moment) on July 10th, and will be staying until sometime at the end of October. I am excited about this opportunity to fellowship with these girls and their friends. I am excited about being a walk away from a very cool downtown area. I am excited about being a bike ride away from several friends and work (although I won't ride to work seeing as how I work until midnight). I am hoping to become connected to more people and gain friendships and encouragement. Who knows I may even find a more permanent rooming situation while I am there! We'll see, but I am excited!

Update on my friend

2006-06-17T09:57:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all that have been praying for my friend Courtney. The Lord is definitely working in her life and the lives of her family members. She has a long road to full recovery but we are all thankful at the improvements she is making. If you would like to read specifics about her progress please go to her blog. http://homepage.mac.com/brewertxn/Personal1.html

Praise

2006-06-03T13:39:00.000-05:00

An update on my friend Courtney Squibb. She has been transferred from Dothan, AL to Dallas, TX where her family lives. She is out of the coma and even mouthed "thanks for coming" to friends and family before she left Dothan. She still has a long recovery ahead, but praise God for sparing her life and continue to pray with me for her recovery. Thanks!

New Respect for the Laser Show

2006-05-31T21:47:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I partook in an Atlanta tradition. I went to the Stone Mountain Park Laser Show. This has always been a highlight of my summer, heck, I even worked there one year and sold the glowy things. I know, all parents hate people like me, cause we are the cause of them wasting their money to get their kids to stop whining. But, the Laser Show has always been near and dear to my heart. As I have gotten older, I have really realized the true redneckness of this tradition. You can always find that gross couple making out, people hooping and hollering for songs such as Rocky Top, Sweet Home Alabama, and the sports teams they advertise. (I definitely fall into the temptation to holler for the Dawgs) Every year, Stone Mountain tries to find new songs and new ways to attract people to the laser show and give them a "popular" song to sing along to. For more than one year, this song was that really annoying swing/jive song (one, two, three four five, everybody...). This was not a good thing and really I dreaded that part of the show. Last year, I saw the laser show twice and was pleasantly surprised to the see that the jive song got the boot and none other than NickelCreek graced the side of the mountain. Props for the laser show. I really didn't think they could top it. I really had little faith that the laser show would break into the uncharted territory that it, in fact, broke into tonight. The second or third song was. . . Okay, are you sure you are ready for this? Remember, the Laser Show is all about the USA, soldiers, the South, country music, and such. Okay, tonight, and hopefully for many future laser shows, they definitely played Beautiful Day by U2. You think I am kidding, but I am not. An Irish band, a rock band, and pretty much the greatest band of all time actually made it to the Stone Mountain Laser Show. Bono should be proud and honored, he is BIG TIME now!!!

Please Pray

2006-05-31T16:50:00.000-05:00

Last Friday night a friend of mine was in a bad car accident near Dothan, AL. She and two others were on their way to Florida for Memorial Day weekend. My friend's name is Courtney Squibb, and she is currently in the ICU in Dothan. She is in a Coma and has a severe leg injury. The doctors are hopeful, and we are praising God that she and the other two are alive. Please pray for miraculous healing and rehabilitation for Courtney, and that through this many would see the grace and goodness of our Father. Pray for Courtney's family as they are from Dallas and are having to live in a motel. Pray also for the others in the accident that they will feel and know God during this time.

Thanks guys!

A Teddy Bear Named Courtney

2006-05-16T15:54:00.000-05:00

I definitely had one of those, life is good, and I love what I do moments last Saturday night. For those of you who don’t know, I am a child life specialist in the Emergency Dept at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Egleston Campus. I was working last Saturday from 1:30 until midnight, and around 7 a little girl came in. She had been in a car accident, and miraculously her only injury was a huge gash stretching across the front her head between her eyes and her eyebrows. Her nose wasn’t even broken!! Anyways, I will spare you the bloody details. When this little girl came in she really didn’t remember anything and couldn’t remember much from one minute to the next. So she asked many times what happened, and many times if her mom was there, and many times who I was. She just couldn’t remember. I gave her a teddy bear, because we always give trauma patients teddy bears, and she hugged it and it helped “keep her warm”. As the doctors were checking her out and making sure she had no other injuries, she kept asking what she was hugging and who gave it to her. She told me thank you about 5 or 6 times. I stayed with her and her family through all of the tests and then during the stitching up process. After she was stitched up, I left her with her family and met with a few more kids. Because she had a head injury, she needed to stay in the hospital overnight, so I was going to make her a goody bag to take up there. While I was with other children, they moved her up to the floor, so I took a goody bag to her room. During her CT scan, we were trying to decide what to name her teddy bear, but a decision was never reached. So while in her room, I asked her what she had decided to name it. She looked down at the bear and then back up at me, and said, “It’s name is Courtney.” So forever more this little girl will have a teddy bear named Courtney. I love kids, and I love my job!

*And by the way, by the time she was all stitched up, her memory was back, she still didn’t remember the accident, but did remember who people were and what she had been told had happened.*

Answered Prayer

2006-05-02T21:08:00.000-05:00

You know the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don't even know what to pray for? That God knows what's on our hearts and in our minds even when we don't? And when we think a certain issue is too unimportant to actually pray about, He sees it as important and I like to think prays it for us. Well this has happened to me recently, a prayer was answered that I hadn't actually prayed for.

If you have been reading my blog, or have known me for any amount of time, you know that I have been struggling with finding community here in Atlanta. I have a desire to move out of my house and move into or near downtown Decatur. And then, form a community there. The main problem has been the lack of roommates, or even potential roommates. I have been praying some about community, but not at all about the living situation, mainly because I work part time and it will be hard to afford to live out of my parent's house. Then about two weeks ago, a girl approached me about looking for an apartment in the Perimeter Mall area. At that moment, it was clear that Decatur was where I needed to be and that God would provide somewhere, so I told her about where I was feeling led to live, and thanked her for thinking of me. I was really shocked and surprised that this particular girl would have thought of me, and was encouraged that there are possibilities. Then, a week ago, I was at a youth retreat with two other churches, and one of the youth leaders from another church told me that one of her roommates was moving out. She lives in a house about a block from downtown Decatur, and the rent is VERY reasonable. I was blown away, and amazed, that exactly what had been in the back of my mind was just thrown at me like this! God is good!! Now, I don't know if I will move in, there are still lots to consider with money being an issue, meeting the other girls in the house, and seeing the house. But, how cool that God can provide something completely out of the blue. I'm sure if I end up moving in, I'll write about it, but right now I am just so encouraged and feel more than I usually feel that God is near and the He cares about the details of my life.

In Christ Alone

2006-05-01T11:54:00.000-05:00

In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my Light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought and Storm;
What heights of love, what depths of peace when fears are stilled,
When strivings cease; My Comforter, my all in all,
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone who took on flesh, fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness, scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on the cross as Jesus died the wrath of God was satisfied
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid; here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay; light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day; up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory, sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death; this is the pow'r of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home, here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand

I sang this song last night at the North Georgia Presbytery Worship Service, and it literally caused me to weep right in the middle of the song. These past few weeks I have been continually confronted by my need of the cross, and this song brought it all home to me. Read it, pray it, worship Him who it's about.

I am NOT that Great

2006-04-21T15:55:00.000-05:00

This is a short sentence that in the last 24 hours I have come to a realization that I need to wake up every morning saying it to myself. And then I probably need to repeat it every few minutes until I go to sleep again. You may be wondering where this is coming from, or if you know me, you may already know more about my sin than I do and are like, yes Courtney is finally realizing things! But, I think I am pretty darn good at everything. And I think I am pretty perfect. I have struggled with and continue to struggle with sin, and I know that, but somehow, for a majority of the day, I forget that and think that I am better than everyone around me. I think that it is my job to fix everything for everyone. It’s my job and my responsibility to always know the right answer, to know the right way of doing things, and to be what others need me to be. This causes me to over commit myself, which causes me to not do everything with a full heart. I love people and God has gifted me with that, but Satan and my sinful heart corrupts that gift daily. As a friend told me today of his own struggle, I want to be the hero. A few weeks ago, I was at Redeemer on Sunday morning. It was mission conference Sunday and Jean Lorroux was preaching, and he said something profound. We are Jesus’ charity cases, and we should be the charity cases of other Christians. ( That is not a direct quotation, but if someone has the direct quote I’d like it.) I don’t want to be a charity case, I don’t want to need anything and I especially don’t want to need other people. But I do, and reminding myself everyday that I am not that great will possibly help me remember my need. I need a savior, and I need Jesus Christ. I was telling another friend of the state of realizing my own "crappiness" that I was in today and he gave me something else to remind myself of everyday. He said, “Well, you can't be there [state of realizing my "crappiness"] too long because you are not condemned and Christ loves you and you are a favored daughter of the ruler of the universe. You shouldn't experience the "crappiness" without all the hope that goes with it, not hope in what *might* be, but hope in what *is*.” For some reason Christ loves me and has made me perfect in Him, and I praise and thank Him for that undeserved and completely unearned honor.

Frustration in the Blogging World

2006-04-11T11:31:00.000-05:00

About an hour ago, I spent 15 to 20 minutes writing a post. As I went to publish it, there was an error. I was able to hit the back button and still see my post, and I every once in a while I would come back and try to publish it. Then one time, it hit that error page and wouldn't let me come back. So the post was lost, and it is very frustrating. I guess that's one thing about the blogging world that we all risk everytime we write a post. Maybe I'll get back to writing a shorter version of the post. (By the way, I also tried to Save as Draft and got the error message too).

Life

2006-03-31T22:56:00.000-05:00

Over the past year, the subject of life has been a huge part of my life. A year ago, I was preparing to leave Athens. I was excited about graduation, and scared of where my life would take me. I was sad to leave a "life" that I loved, and even more sad to miss out on the everyday lives of those that I love. Whether it be children I babysat for, or friends I fellowshipped with, I felt like leaving would mean that I was leaving their lives forever. Then the summer came, and that brought the first wedding of a best friend. Brian and Gail joined their lives together to make one life, and promised that it would be one life for the rest of their individual lives. When I got home from the wedding, my sister and brother-in-law were waiting for me to tell me the news of the life that they had created, that was living and growing and forming inside my sister's tummy. Then about a week or two later, I met my sister and brother-in-law for lunch to see an ultrasound picture of this small life only to find out that it was two small lives that were beginning. An amazing miracle to be expecting twins and wondering what gender they would be. Because so much of what their lives would look like depended on what their gender was, how was their room to be decorated, would they share a room. Then, I began my life in Atlanta or Lilburn. And I began investing my life in the lives of children at my church, children in the hospital, and wondering if I would ever have a life outside of those two places. We soon found out that the twins were girls, so the planning of their lives began. In December, they were born 2.5 months premature, and their lives literally hung in the hands of the doctors, and ultimately in the hands of God. Two human beings under 3 lbs, completely helpless and completely unready to be outside of the womb. Two babies who have now changed my life forever. To think back on when we found out about Abby and Caroline, we never would have thought that they would enter the world the way they did. Life happens or is orchestrated upon us, and so often our plans aren't the way it really happens. Holding my nieces now, as they are over 8 lbs, it's hard to believe that they were once as fragile as they were. It's hard to believe that one or both of them could have died at any moment and every minute that they lived for the first month and half of their lives was truly miraculous. Then, this past week, the subject of life came upon me once again. My grandfather passed away. Looking at birth and death right next to each other, is truly humbling. These precious babies, and my 88 year old grandfather. Luckily, he did meet them and hold them before he died. But these three individuals are a perfect example of what life really entails. You live, and then one day you die. You come into the world helpless and completely dependent on others and often, you leave the world in the same state. It's almost like a reversal once you get to a certain age. But see with all of that, it makes me think of the ultimate life. The eternal life that is promised to all who believe and call upon the name of Jesus Christ. My grandfather called upon the name of Jesus just 4 days before he died. He is now basking in the glory of our Savior, and for the first time, he really knows what life is all about and what living really feels like. He lived a great life on earth, and he experienced many incredible things. He was a WWII veteran, received many awards for his service in the army, he was a bowler who bowled a perfect game during a tournament, and he lived a great, happy, and for the most part healthy life. But now, he is experiencing something greater than anything I can imagine. Life, it's a word with many meanings and many implications, but I think all that I have known and experienced in the past year and over the course of my life has taught me that life as we know it is unpredictable, but to God, it is all planned perfectly. And most of all, if we know Him, our eternal life is the most certain thing of all.

New Job, or well First real job!

2006-03-09T18:30:00.000-05:00

To appease the masses, I decided to write a quick post. First and foremost, my apologies for the lack of posting these past few weeks. I am living with my sister during the week, and caring for her 7 lb twins! They are getting so big! I really feel like a mom, except I luckily get a break on the weekends. They are precious little girls, and we are so amazed that God has kept them healthy and growing! (For those that read this and don't know the history, the twins were born 2.5 months premature on December 6th, they were 2lbs 9 oz and 2 lbs 14 oz at birth). So because I am getting between 4 and 6 hours of sleep at night, and feeding or holding babies almost all the time, I have had little energy to think about things in depth, much less type it all out. So, this post will be short, and will be more of an update on my life.

I got a job last Friday!!!!!! Yeah!!! I interviewed several weeks ago at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta (Egleston campus) for a part time Emergency Dept position as a Child Life Specialist. I will be working Fridays and Saturdays for 10-12 hours. Basically, I will be helping children who come to the ER cope with their ailment, injury, or trauma. I will distract them and talk to them during procedures, and when there is time, I will prepare them for procedures. I will also have the opportunity some nights to do some work up in the ICU and Cardiology units. This job is such a blessing because I will be available most days of the week to continue helping my sister with the twins, and I get health and dental insurance, AND I will gain a lot of well rounded experience and will in turn be more marketable as a Child Life Specialist. It is a great opportunity for me and I am so thankful to God that His plan was to keep me in Atlanta for the time being. I start orientation and training in a little over a week!

That's all for now, I hope to have something deep and profound soon!

Redeemer and Community

2006-02-26T22:31:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, I rejoined a community that I love for a brief weekend of fellowship and learning. Community was the topic of the annual Redeemer women's retreat, and it hit me in so many ways. Our speaker, Stacy Bartholomew, is the wife of Tuck, an assistant pastor at Redeemer in New York City. During her first talk, she said, "It is not the words from the pulpit, but how you live together as a community that will make or break your witness to nonbelievers." How true is this? How many times have you heard that people are turned off from the gospel because "christians" that they know don't treat others well, or the "church" isn't inviting? People outside of the church see how we, the Body of Christ, interact with eachother. They see us taking meals to their neighbors, helping people move, loving on eachother's children, and overall, loving those around us. However, they also see us doing the exact opposite of those things. Thinking about this really challenged me to think about how I portray the church, and ultimately Jesus, to those around me. Do I embrace the community that I am in, and give those outside of my "community" a glimpse the gospel?

I am struggling right now with what community looks like and what mine at this particular stage in life should look like. My small group talked a lot about what our ideal or dream of community is rather than the reality of what it is. This was very convicting for me, because I think that I have raised Redeemer Athens on this pedestal in my mind of being the perfect community. Yes, I realize that there are faults, and Redeemer is made up of sinners, but at the same time, I find myself not embracing the community I could have in Atlanta, because I want what I did have at Redeemer, or it might have even been, at times, that I wanted what I saw others had at Redeemer. I go to Westminster PCA in Atlanta. This church is over 100 years old, and to look in the congregation, you might think that some of the members are as well! It is made up of a lot of elderly people, a lot of people 40 and older, and a lot of children 12 and under. There are about 20 high school and middle school students, and a small handful of single adults, mostly over the age of 25. Basically there is no one my age, and therefore, I feel that there is no chance for me to have community there. Anyways, I have also had the attitude of, I am new and these people should be seeking me out and helping me feel involved, without any effort from me. This weekend I realized how selfish and "uncommunity like" that attitude was. God has me in Atlanta, and He has me at Westminster, and I should seek out ways to exemplify community to those in the church and those around me regardless of their efforts towards me. I don't know what it will look like to begin to embrace my community, but this weekend definitely got me thinking and praying about it, and it was another reminder of my selfishness. It's not enough to help with the youth group and reach out to them......they should be a part of my community, not the whole of it.

Personality Test

2006-02-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

After reading howboucha's blog, I decided that I would as well take this personality test. Let me know what you think. I think it's pretty right on.

I am an ENFJ- Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging

ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.

ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people.

ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

Now, there is one part of this quiz, that I am surprised howboucha didn't display. It gives you a list of famous people who were also this type. Now, number one on my list was
David, King of Israel. Now how do you think that they went back to biblical times to test King David? But atleast I have the same personality type as the man after God's own heart!
Also, I am happy to report that I share the ENFJ title with other such as Sean Connery, Dick van Dyke, Oprah Winfrey, Matthew McConaughey, Michael Jordan, Bob Saget (not sure if I should admit that), Andy Griffith, and many others.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

A New Blog and Forgiveness

2006-02-07T11:26:00.000-05:00

I caved in the other day, and decided to get a blog website from blogspot. Most of my friends use this one rather than xanga.

I volunteer with the youth group at my church. On sunday nights, I am with the youth director and the middle school class. This year we have been going through the Life of Joseph, and although I have always known the story (sidenote, when I did YoungLife we were instructed never to use the term story for a biblical account because it means it is untrue. I however, disagree and therefore use the term story), I had never before looked into it this much. It is an incredible story of forgiveness, repentence, and reconciliation. On Sunday night we were at the point in the story when Joseph basically set his 11 brothers up to be caught for stealing his silver cup. At this point in the story, although Joseph did set them up, he had shown in various ways that he had in fact forgiven his brothers for selling him into slavery 22 years prior. However, with the brothers, they had shown signs of feeling guilty for what they had done, but the Bible shows us no evidence of repentence. In Middle School Youth Group, we have not finished the story yet, but it ends with the brothers repenting, Joseph revealing himself to them, and ultimately a great reconciliation of a family torn apart by hatred, mistreatment, and pain.

In the past few weeks, I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness. Do we forgive people only when they repent, admit their wrong and apologize? Or are we called to forgive no matter what the offense and no matter how much the other person doesn't recognize their wrong? The story of Joseph made me think harder about this. In surveying my actions over the course of my life, I tend to forgive only when wrong has been admitted and apologized for. I can put things aside for a long while, but seeing as how I generally "blow up" eventually, true forgiveness did not take place when I just set the offense aside. I discussed this issue with the youth director. He too tended to think that forgiveness comes after repentence. Playing devil's advocate and in light of the evidence in this story of Joseph's life, I argued that maybe forgiveness comes first. When were my sins forgiven by Christ? They were forgiven the day He died on the cross.

Mark 11:25 says, And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

I read this whole passage and it never says anything about what the person who has done something against you. It only commands you to forgive.

Then, Mark 4:11-12 says, And he said to them, “To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but for those outside everything is in parables, 12 so that
“they may indeed see but not perceive,and may indeed hear but not understand,lest they should turn and be forgiven.”

Is this turning that Mark speaks about repentence? And why is it placed before forgiveness?

Then in Luke 17:3-4, Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

If he repents, forgive him? The more I read, the more confused I get. I find evidence of both. It seems that in most stories about how people lived and acted, especially in the Old Testament, forgiveness usually came before repentence........or is that evidence of forgiveness, evidence of a "readiness to forgive". It also seems that throughout the New Testament, when people are being instructed, repentence comes before forgiveness.

If, forgiveness comes first, then I am not saying that repentence doesn't need to happen. Christ calls us to repent of our sins daily, but I say that my sins are forgiven before the repentence takes place. I think this because Christ is still at work in my heart, He is still revealing sin to me that I never knew existed, and if I were to die without repenting of the "individual sins" I committed, I am confident that I would be in heaven with my Savior. But what does that mean for us? In how we relate to others?